Daddy's Diaper Change

By now, this story is familiar to those inside our family, but to the rest of you (and really for documentation purposes for when Taylor is old enough to make fun of her dad) I bring you the following TRUE story.

About a month ago, Rebecca had to go to a follow up doctor's appointment and so I was given the charge of taking care of Taylor. It was my first time being the sole caretaker for her. Rebecca gave me all the instructions:

"There is a bottle in the fridge if she gets hungry. I have laid out several diapers and the wipes are on her changing table. Here is this toy. Here is how to control the sounds on the swing. If she goes to sleep, don't forget to turn the Angelcare monitor on and if you get her out, don't forget to turn it off. I'll only be gone a little bit. Obviously you know the my cell phone number, but here is Dr. Short's office number and if it is bad enough, God forbid, call 911. Do you really think you can do this? Maybe I should just stay home . . ."

I convinced her that SuperDad could take care of this situation just fine. I even have a cape in my closet :) Taylor did awesome for a little while, but then she started crying. I rocked her and she went to sleep. She woke up again, I tried rocking her, but she kept crying. I mentally scrolled down the "Why Babies Cry" list in my brain. $2 on the list (behind #1 Sleepy) was "Hungry". I gave her a bottle and she did awesome. My SuperDad cape was figuratively flapping in the wind amid my heroic and daring escape from arch-enemy "Crying Baby". She went to sleep and as is her MO, she started pooting in her sleep. I always hold her with one hand on her butt and I quickly discovered, it wasn't all noxious fumes. I decided that I would go to #3 on my list to complete the SuperDad trifecta, "Dirty Diaper".

The pack-and-play holds a variety of items that are useful to parents. It has a bulb syringe to get boogers out of the baby's nose. It has ointment to prevent diaper rash, it has wipes to clean the baby's bottom, and obviously, it has diapers. I took one out and laid it next to Taylor. I got a wipe and did the deal. Once clean, I tried to put the diaper on Taylor, but something was not working. I looked at the diaper and it looked smaller than I remembered and it did not say Pampers on it. It actually didn't say anything at all. I cursed Rebecca under my breath for putting diapers in the pack-and-play that I have never used. I picked Taylor up (bare-butt) and carried her into the Nursery. There, I beheld that old standard: "Pampers Preemie". Crisis averted. I changed the diaper and ducked back into the phone booth to change into normal human clothes before Becca got home.

When she got home, she was surprised that the baby was not disfigured and was actually asleep on my shoulder. I smiled and gave her the "You know I'm awesome" look, but then explained to her that I was very upset with her.

"Why did you put diapers in the pack-and-play that I have never used? I don't even think they would have fit her. They were shaped funny."

To which she responded, "What? I don't know what you are talking about."

I got off my throne and took her to the pack-and-play to explain her error. The second I pulled out the diaper, she laughed at the top of her lungs and collapsed to the floor. After about 10 minutes, she broke the news to me. This was no diaper
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. It was a Maxipad!

Who in the world puts a Maxipad in a pack-and=play? Can you blame me? It has wings you know! I told her that I considered going out to the garage and getting the duct tape. I'm an engineer. I could have made it work one way or another!